How to become a Twinkie / ABCD (American Born Confused Desi):
1. Americanize your name. Names like Raja become Roger and names like Wei Tong becomes Jason.
2. Unlearn / Do Not learn your native language.
3. Listen to white people music. Also, any sort of techno remix of a song in your own native tongue is outlawed.
4. Go to parties that you will be known as ?That Asian Guy? or ?That Indian Guy.? No reason to be at a party with more than one of you.
5. Shop where White people shop. That means Abercrombie and Hollister, don?t half ass it and go to Old Navy.
6. Talk in catch phrases and famous lines from movies, as long as they?re funny. Its not like anyone cares what you think anyway.
7. Learn more about American History than you could ever know about your own. Your cultural history is just that?. history.
8. Date a white man or woman. Remember you have to act like them to become them. That includes dating.
9. Under no circumstances can you watch Bollywood or Kung Fu films.
10. Do not associate yourself with any Fobs. As far as you know, they?re just weird.
11. Never ever be caught saying, ?Where the curry at?? or ?Dim Sum, I?ll have me sum of that.?
12. Never ever visit the home country. As far as you know, it smells. Do you want to come back smelling too?
13. Watch a lot of porn. You should acquire a taste for white people and porn helps. Keep telling yourself ?There is no BOA? or ?Aishwarya Rai does not exist.?
14. Exception to the rule: Your parents are going to force you into a career. Probably a stereotypical one for an Asian or Indian. Live with it.
15. Do not join ethnic frats or clubs. They only promote your culture.
16. Bangra, Yoga and Wushu are ethnic foods in your mind. Not dancing and martial arts.
17. Never ask your parents the names of the food you?re eating but be the master of ordering take out.
18. For the girls: Use ?like? at least sevens times per sentence. IE, ?Like, let?s go, like to like the movies like, like like like.?
19. Also for the girls: Pin up the pictures of the Abercrombie guys everywhere. They are the only acceptable standard for what is hot.
20. Another for girls: Highlights, belly button rings and glitter. Everyone else is doing it. No natural beauty is allowed!
1. Americanize your name. Names like Raja become Roger and names like Wei Tong becomes Jason.
2. Unlearn / Do Not learn your native language.
3. Listen to white people music. Also, any sort of techno remix of a song in your own native tongue is outlawed.
4. Go to parties that you will be known as ?That Asian Guy? or ?That Indian Guy.? No reason to be at a party with more than one of you.
5. Shop where White people shop. That means Abercrombie and Hollister, don?t half ass it and go to Old Navy.
6. Talk in catch phrases and famous lines from movies, as long as they?re funny. Its not like anyone cares what you think anyway.
7. Learn more about American History than you could ever know about your own. Your cultural history is just that?. history.
8. Date a white man or woman. Remember you have to act like them to become them. That includes dating.
9. Under no circumstances can you watch Bollywood or Kung Fu films.
10. Do not associate yourself with any Fobs. As far as you know, they?re just weird.
11. Never ever be caught saying, ?Where the curry at?? or ?Dim Sum, I?ll have me sum of that.?
12. Never ever visit the home country. As far as you know, it smells. Do you want to come back smelling too?
13. Watch a lot of porn. You should acquire a taste for white people and porn helps. Keep telling yourself ?There is no BOA? or ?Aishwarya Rai does not exist.?
14. Exception to the rule: Your parents are going to force you into a career. Probably a stereotypical one for an Asian or Indian. Live with it.
15. Do not join ethnic frats or clubs. They only promote your culture.
16. Bangra, Yoga and Wushu are ethnic foods in your mind. Not dancing and martial arts.
17. Never ask your parents the names of the food you?re eating but be the master of ordering take out.
18. For the girls: Use ?like? at least sevens times per sentence. IE, ?Like, let?s go, like to like the movies like, like like like.?
19. Also for the girls: Pin up the pictures of the Abercrombie guys everywhere. They are the only acceptable standard for what is hot.
20. Another for girls: Highlights, belly button rings and glitter. Everyone else is doing it. No natural beauty is allowed!